News out of Salem-Keizer has it that Pat Lafferty has announced his retirement from calling sports, after a decade-plus as the Volcanoes play-by-play caller.

Lafferty joined the team upon its inception, after having covered the Portland Trailblazers previously, along with various other prep school, college and pro teams in a career that spans the best part of four decades.

"This team has just completed the two finest seasons in the history of the
league and its been a great pleasure to step into the broadcast booth every
night and tell their story," Lafferty said.  "Following two consecutive
championships–and the end of the Volcanoes’ 11-year association with KYKN–it
seems like the right time to leave the stage."

 

"For 11 years, I’ve enjoyed a wonderful association with owners Jerry
Walker and Bill Tucker, our managers, players and fans," Lafferty added. 
"Those friendships, and the appreciation they’ve shown for the broadcasts, will
always be treasured.  It’s also important that the team has as much time as
possible to find a replacement and the best time to do that is between the end
of the season and December."

In related news, Lafferty’s old boss, known in the theological world as Lucifer, is now taking applications. Applicants will be required to have a college degree, experience in radio, and be prepared to surrender their souls for all eternity. As compensation, their team will never have to lose a great player to promotion, thus ensuring NWL glory. The job is based in Salem Oregon, but Lucifer is prepared to make accommodations for the right candidate.

In other news, the League Of Old Men In Bathrobes, Standing On Their Lawns, Shaking Their Fists At Local Children has announced that they are no longer taking applications for new members, as their last vacant spot has just been filled.