MVPs are for bonus babies. All-star spots are for high draft picks.

But
what’s left for the guy who turns up early, works his ass off, then
spends the entire game warming up the bullpen, wondering if he’ll get
more than five swings per series?

What do we give to the guy who
has nothing but a dream and way too much time to dream it? What can the
80% of guys destined to not get past AA ball, who are there primarily
to catch balls thrown and hit by the other 20%, look toward as their
own private World Series equivalent?

In short, what do the Rudy Rudibaker’s of this world play for?

Answer: The Vancouver Canadians Beer Hawker Player of the Year Award.

I couldn’t tell you who was the C’s MVP this season because,
frankly, it just doesn’t matter. Whoever it was will go up the system,
hit the cover off the ball, or peel the leather off catchers mitts, or
snap off breaking stuff that guys like Joe Morgan will say "isn’t as
good as it was in my day", but the guys that the International
Brotherhood of Minesweepers, Pastry Chefs, and Beerhawkers, Local 666,
decide are the Beer Hawker Players of the
Year… well, those guys go down in local legend. They live on in our
hearts
and souls and stories and admiration.

Take Joe Newby, the 2005 winner of the BHPoY, who was so
outraged at his and other players’ living conditions with a certain
host family, that he took a video camera and filmed them, later
confronting GM Dan Kilgras with the tape in what would come to be known
as "dogbloodgate". Newby’s fire, his ability to keep throwing the hard
cheese with his head held high, even as all around him booted
groundballs and waved at infield singles and allowed the runs to rack
up, and the fact that he left a porno virus on his host family’s
computer, made him a lock on the big prize.

Newby was recently
released by the A’s, but he’ll always have that video tape, and the
memory of Kilgras with steam coming out of his ears, cursing like a Tourettes Syndrome patient in the midst of a sugar rush. And pop-ups advertising girl-on-goat sex.

The list of previous winners is as follows:

2006: Andre Piper-Jordan       Threw punches; wasn’t Jermaine
Mitchell
2005: Joey Newby                  ‘Accidentally’ left a porno
virus on host family computer
2004: Myron Leslie                  Because he was the last
player they expected to win
2003: Eddie Kim                     Solid player; award
validated by chugging from the mini keg he won
2002: John Baker                   Always swung like it
mattered; only hit one home run
2001: Casey Meyers               Inspired by legend of “Three Fingers”
Rowan
2000: Joe B. Cerone               Name rhymed with “My Charona”;
had good-looking sisters
1999: Ricky Freeman              Because Frank Menechino couldn’t
win everything
1998: Ben Molina                    Name rhymed with “My
Charona”
1997: Geoff Edsell                  Left heart in San Francisco; left uniform in New Orleans
1996: Orlando Palmeiro          Tried – and failed – to hit us with balls from the
outfield

This year, the award went to a player who had us at hello.

No,
he didn’t hit too well. And sure, his defense is a work in progress.
And yeah, he’s going to be in the group of players who are told by
Oakland "we’ll see you next year… in all likelihood."

But to
C’s fans, he was Benny Winslow with a chest protector. He was the
Player to be Famed Later. He was the guy we wanted to see succeed, for
no other reason than, dammit, he’s earned a little karma with all that
bullpen work. And he has the best baseball name since Rollie Fingers.

And every now and then, when the opposition was feeling good
about themselves and the fans were checking watches and the hawkers
were going back for a tray refill, Brother Love, the 2006 39th rounder
for Oakland, with nobody on and two outs, would dig in, stare down a
pitcher, grip the shaft of his bat a little harder, and think "breaking
ball down the middle."

Zip. Crack. Off the center field wall for a double.

Love’s
line at season’s end wasn’t one that’ll have Scott Boras suggesting he
switch agents, but his commitment to the team, the game, and the red
and blue, make him the only man who could take home the big award.

He showed us The Love. All hail ‘The Inferno’.

Also honoured, and no less important, is JD Pruitt, 2007 winner of the infrequently given Beerhawker Inspiration Award.

Pruitt’s
ability to telekinetically attract fastballs to his elbow, back and ass
was enough to take his OBP into the stratosphere, shattering the NWL
HBP record like a firmly plunked elbow in the process, and giving birth
to the blog images that would become known as ‘lolpruitts’.

Thanks for the memories, JD. You played it like you meant it.

Previous winners of the Inspiration Award are as follows:

2006: James Heuser       Because we had to divert upset honeys when he was charting pitches
2001: Dan Johnson         Rested due to inability to play one fine, hung-over afternoon
2000: Freddie Bynum      Committed 29 errors; hit 2 fans
1997: Jerry Thurston       Because we had to convince people he was playing Triple-A
1996:
Will Pennyfeather   Knocked a catcher out cold; played “Count the Fans” with the hawkers

As for how these awards came to be, that story is deserving of its own post…